Oh Celery, how I hate thee.
Truthfully, I must admit,
You’re a green cellulose tree
Tasting worse than spit.
Seriously, you taste like dirty water!
Eau de cholera and dirt.
In soups, you taste even worse hotter!
Sorry to be so curt.
Don’t even get me started on your “crunch,”
I could eat you with hummus or dip,
But I’d rather not have you for lunch,
As you’re the one veggie I’d rather just skip.
Picking your fibrous strings out of my tooth,
Gee, thanks, I really wanted to floss.
And Celery, to tell the truth,
Trying to eat you makes me quite cross.
Not a simple bite, but a rip and a tear,
Trying to chew is like gnawing on a bone.
Gritting my teeth against your stringy plant hair,
Your texture makes me groan.
You’re worse than a log, cellulose tree!
People have to cover you with ants,
But even the ants try to flee.
Proof that you’re the worst of the plants.